Whether you lost your youth, your health, a parent, a friend, a job, your home, your cat or your dignity you will go through the 5 stages of grief. You’re only human. Your judgement will be impaired because of your emotional liability and your instincts muddled.
The five stages of grief are;
Denial: This can’t be true. It’s not happening. Its a mistake.
My friend died in the Dana Air crash. I spent all the next day calling his mobile number. I had read his name on the passenger list. He told when he came to Abuja on Friday and called me Sunday morning when he was leaving for the airport. When I heard about the crash I knew there was a high probability he was on that flight. I wasn’t surprised when I read his name. So why did I call his number half a dozen times the day after the crash? i was in denial.
Anger: Why did this happen? Who or what let this happen?
Our collective anger was directed at the government and the airline. The government is a convenient target for our anger. Some people direct their anger at God. “Why did you let this happen?!”. Some direct it inward. I was angry at myself for not seeing my friend on Friday night like I told him I would. I was too immersed in my work. I missed one last chance to see him and say good bye.
Depression: That made me really really sad. I moped around for a while.
Bargaining: then I started ‘talking to him’. Apologising for not making more of an effort to see him because he was a very dear and valued friend and I wanted him to know that. Promising him, myself and I to tell the family and friends I love and value just how much they mean to me every chance that I get.
Acceptance: He’s gone, like all of us will go and truly none of us know the day or the hour when we too shall face ‘judgement’ day. For what more is death that each human’s judgement day.
Someone once said ‘live each day like it was your last’. Someone else replied ‘treat each person like its their last day’. You may never have another chance to say – I love you friend.