Most abusers are narcissists. Here’s a pretty good guide for spotting and avoiding them. If there is one ting I have learned in my more than 15 years working with domestic violence and as a survivor myself of childhood violence is that abusers are a specific personality type. Recognizing that and the traits reduces the risks of becoming ensnared. Of course there is no such thing as zero risk but every bit helps.

KinkyLittleGirl - On Abuse and BDSM

Oh, how much of this rings true!  I don’t know the original source of this, but it’s brilliant.  
Learning about malignant narcissism helped me probably more than anything other than what I learned about sex addiction to understand what happened and how I got caught in the snare of an abuser again after so long successfully spotting and avoiding them.  When you realize how much the deck was stacked against you from the start, you can stop blaming yourself for the things that were never your responsibility to start with, and wouldn’t have made a difference anyways even if you had done them differently.
Interesting that it starts out with lying and ends with penitence,  since whopping and verifiable lies bracketed both the beginning and end of the relationship, the starter one being something he tearfully confessed as having been done to try to protect me, one of the

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