The Path to Silence

She loved him. There was no logic to her love she just did but she could not tell him. Her vocal cords freezed up every time she looked at him and felt the love.  Her heart froze. She could no longer speak of her love, of her feelings.

Why did she love him she asked herself, he treated her badly. He hit her and cheated on her. He called her names and ridiculed her. When she displeased him he would starve her of love and approval and even a smile.

Still she loved him because when it was good it was really really good. It was the best she had known any way. She was used to being abused, she had always been abused even as a little girl, he said he loved her but he abused her.

He told her she was no good, that she was worthless and useless. She had to be or how else did she wind up with him. Surely someone would have come to get her if she was worth it.

No one came and the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months and the months turned to years and the years turned to decades. It was obviously a life sentence. A life sentence to worthlessness.

As the years passed she stopped talking till one day she woke up and she was mute and no one knew why or how it happened and no one really cared because no one had ever really listened to her when she had tried to tell them.

Her eyes grew big and round and bigger and rounder as the days passed. The less she spoke the more she saw and she could no longer speak of the things that she saw and her heart struggled to beat in her chest from the weight.

Her heart grew heavy and big and heavier and bigger and the more she saw and the less she could say and the more she died from all the things that she saw that she could no longer say anything about.

Still no came for her and she felt less and less worth it. Still she loved him. every time he told her how worthless and useless she was she loved him more because surely he must be right and he knew what was best for her.

But he loved her. He told her so therefore it must be true. It was true he didn’t treat her with love and he didn’t show her much love but he told her all the time and constantly that he loved her. So it must be true.

One day she didn’t wake up in the morning and he came and stood over her and told her corpse how worthless and useless she was and her spirit hoovering yet in the corner of the room heard him and she still believed he loved her true.

There was nothing else to say and the silence was now forever and all the things that she wanted to say to him and to all  the people that she knew she could never say it again.

 

 

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