Over-Taxed! Over-Regulated!! Criminalized!!! It’s My Life! Give Me Back My Freedom!

I’m so miserable and irritable right now that if you were here with me I could literally chew through the tough sinews of your neck. I’m going through a miserable process of nicotine withdrawal. Again. I’ve quit smoking for the umpteenth  time. I always come back to it.

I really enjoy  smoking. Its not just a psychological crutch or a chemical addiction. It is also a social behavior like drinking or sports or church that identifies and bonds me to other people that smoke  and share similar interests, values and hobbies with me.

Indeed I am aware of all the health hazards, how can I not be when every pack of cigarettes I buy tells me so in a variety of unpleasant, intrusive and horrific messages and  images. And I find some of those images especially traumatic and a lot like bullying!

My feelings about all the people endlessly preaching at me why I should stop smoking are like my feelings about evangelicals that insist I accept their savior, be HE Christ, Mohammed, Krishna or Buddha (notice no one calls Gaia, Isis or Virgin Mary the savior).

The religious justify their intrusion into my personal space, time and choices by  claiming the fate of my soul is very important to them because they love me. The health advocates justify their nuisance by claiming my health  is important to them because they love my family or strangers inhaling smoke.

My answer to both nuisances is please, nothing about my life or death can be more important to you than it is to me, so stop with the hypocritical, judgmental self righteousness and hysterics. You are not doing it because you care, you are doing it  because you are a judgmental prick and a busy body.

No, sorry, I do not believe that you love me more than I love myself. If you do then please hand over your trust fund, your family jewels, your spouse and your kidneys so I can buy myself a Ferrari.  Maybe then I’ll believe you love me more than I love myself cause I wouldn’t go that far to buy a Ferrari.

I’m enduring these awful withdrawal symptoms because its just too f***ing expensive to smoke in England. That’s right I’m not stopping because I want to be obscenely healthy, perky and live to be a 110. I’m not unhappy with my state of health.  I’ve smoked for years, my body is used to functioning with nicotine!

In England a pack of cigarettes costs what a roll costs me in Nigeria! and I’m not even a citizen or a resident or registered with the NHS which means her majesty’s government will not be footing my medical bills if my habit leads to disease or sickness or death.

I can sort of understand them controlling their welfare dependent masses but what’s my own in all this? I received a leaflet in the last pack of 10 cigarettes that I bought for the outrageous price of £4.25 (over NGN1000!) saying more than 75% of the price goes to taxes!  Where the hell do I go for a rebate?

Smoking bans in pubs, in clubs! in hotels, if you rent the landlord can ask you not to smoke in the space you are paying for! Some MPs are considering bans in cars and homes too! This is way too much Big Brother for me. And to think in Big Brother House you can smoke!

Enough is enough!  I’m glad to see Phillip Morris has started a campaign to take back our rights as smokers! Know More!  is sampling public opinion. If I were British and had the time I would lead their campaign!  Its becoming more than a little bit ridiculous.

I saw an online headline today about a 86 year old gay male who said he grew up feeling like a criminal, well now I’m the one who is increasingly being made to feel like a criminal. How long do you think before they make tobacco an illegal class A drug like marijuana or cocaine?

You do know that about a 100 years ago or so both were legal right? The il-legalization process sounds disturbingly familiar. Now most jails are filled with drug offenders, not dangerous criminals. And please if you make any comments about how drugs correlate with crime I will not approve them!

F*** you, if the government can control what you and I consume in the privacy of our homes and clubs and pubs I can control what gets said on MY blog! I’m irritable, anxious, frustrated, tense, my blood sugar is fluctuating, and I’m constipated! So f*** you.

Its not just not-so-great-anymore-Britain and the EU making tobacco smokers lives furtive  and miserable. Elitist Third World governments that don’t even provide their citizens with aspirin are also restricting the use of tobacco as if tobacco was the cause of low life expectancy in their countries.

Smokers Unite! It is time to put a stop to this global madness before we end up smoking tobacco surreptitiously in our bathrooms praying the police don’t break down the door and arrest us. As if the police don’t have more important things to do with their time and our f***ing taxes than monitor what f***ing ADULTS do with their time and money!

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