Look Back the Way Which You Have Come

 

With my niece in Moscow Sept 2013
Selfie with my niece in Moscow Sept 2013

I’m still in a nostalgic and reflective mood. I think about the future I want. I think about going back to Nigeria. I think about my year abroad. I go through the souvenirs I squirrelled away this past year. Leaves from Moscow painstakingly dried in between the pages of my aunt’s big fat encyclopaedia. Match books and match boxes from hotels and restaurant in Moscow and St. Pete’s. Post cards from touristy land marks littered across the Sussex country side.

 

A pebble from Salisbury cathedral, a stone from one-thousand year old St. Martins in Westmeston, paper book marks from libraries and summer book fairs, my mother’s old frying pan, set of lead crystal goblets purchased at a farmers market in Ditchling. Coasters from quaint English pubs with names like The Bull, The White Horse and The Lone Hare & Rabbit. Pine cones. Old pictures to fill the gaps in my family album. Lots of new pictures. I feel very rich indeed.

 

I go through the memories and the experiences and I feel even richer.

 

How I walked the wind-blown South Downs and enjoyed the freedom of living without bars on the windows and doors. Cooking with new vegetables whose names I never heard of before – like kolhrabi, salsify and who knew there is such a thing as blue potatoes? I ate a lot of lamb, and salmon and scones filled with strawberry jam and cream. I ate a lot of cheesecake, and black bread, and KFC chicken. I ate lots and lots of blueberries, and I drank lots and lots of ale and Cherry Coke. And I gained 10 kilograms!

 

I went to Stonehenge for the summer solstice and danced all night on the sacred stone till the sun came up with my epiphany. I met some really cool people there. I visited broken down castles and forts in Sussex and heard echoes of lives past. I sang Christmas carols with the natives (I mean locals) at the village pub, volunteered to help the homeless. I enjoyed going out and blending in instead of sticking out like a sore thumb on a white man.

 

In Moscow I plugged into my matrix and visited my mother’s grave so many times she asked me to stay with the living for a while. But I went and visited Peter the Greats palace on the Ural seas, hung out for a bit in his back yard and had lunch with the ghosts that prowl Petergof instead.  My horoscope says I should live in the city of my birth for good health, long life and vitality. I will think about it.

 

I’ve also completed the first draft of the historical family saga I am writing. I visited lots of libraries, read lots of books about 19th century Igbo land. I even read an original 1829 account of an expedition to the Niger. I copied strange old school English names off tomb stones in ancient church cemeteries to populate my story with authenticity.

 

Not bad.

Selfie
Selfie -January 5, 2014 
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That Doesn’t Make Me A Bad Person

It’s over, 2013 is already being compressed for archiving. There was a new moon on the first day of the year for good joss. Meanwhile Venus is in retrograde so I am feeling nostalgic and reflective but I’ve been reading other people’s nostalgic reflections and resolutions instead. I’m not in a hurry to face mine. I’ve never kept a New Year resolution in my life. Besides MY New Year starts on my birthday a few days after January 1. I love to  indulge an extra day or two of festive hedonism. That doesn’t make me a bad person you know.

Even as I enjoy another glass of Pinot Grigio blush, for breakfast, I reflect seriously upon the intricate web that is my life within this web of life. An ancient web running backwards and forwards. Holding you in place even as you jump around in a delusion of freedom.  What patterns I am weaving  into this framework? Colourful? Interesting? What is the quality of my portion of this web? What has my web caught this year? What do I want to catch in my web? Does that sound spooky yet? And Machiavellian? Such is life. That still doesn’t make me a bad person.

I reflect on my weaving these 12 months past. Brutal honesty is required here. Courage is required here. Because we learn by confronting our fears, our insecurities and our failures and it’s really hard to face that shadow. However, successful entrepreneurs teach us to look for the lesson in every situation. So what are the top 3 lessons I’ve learnt this year? I will limit myself to the top 3 because this post and every post till further notice will be 500 words or less. There are many lessons of course, daily, weekly, monthly. I’m still waiting to grow up.

Why 500 words? I don’t read anything that is longer than 500 words anymore. If it’s more than 500 words and I have to read it I stop reading after 500 words give or take a dozen. I’ve started reading 20 books this year. I have half-finished books lying all over the house. I read them 500 words at a time. And like all bad managers I think everyone is like me so that’s how I settled on 500 words. Five hundred words are generous anyway. Some folks  that know about these things predict the future of reading is Twitter and all you get over  there is 140 characters. And I’m down 444 words already.

My horoscope says the planets are aligning auspiciously and I’m going to have a stellar year professionally and romantically. It says my love life will finally find harmony,well I hope so or it is war baby. I guess that means I should keep on dancing, drinking, writing, learning and loving you and me no matter how hard it gets. And none of  that makes me a bad person.

I go to reflect on my top three fuck ups and lessons of 2013 and what that means for 2014. Do you have any? Would you like to share? No? Good.