FEBRUARY 14 – Valentine’s Day. Lover’s day, the day of Love. I did the hand made cards, anxious hearts, chocolates and roses when I was young. Now I’m mildly embarrassed at my younger self. Every time my new hormones reacted to the pheromones and fine genetic features of a male of my specie I thought myself madly in love.
What is love? Some people think love is the bond between mother and child, some think its the sexual attraction you feel when you meet some body, some people say that love is a verb – how you act towards some body. Some people think its spiritual, metaphysical, magical, other worldly, inexplicable. Even the Bible says so, right?
I was as confused as everyone else till I read the January 2008 Time issue on the science of love. My life has never been the same. You can read a pretty good summary here. I wish someone had explained love to me a bit earlier. I can be melodramatic and intense. But I wrote some great poems in those days of ignorance. Find one here.
Some women are waiting for someone to send them a royal Valentine hamper from Fortnum’s or buy them a trip to Dubai. Some will be happy to get dinner, a card or a plastic rose. Guys are running, avoiding phone calls. Runs babes are sorting the Big Boys from the men. Lots of boys and girls are regularly disappointed on Valentine’s Day.
According to a 2011 report more divorce petitions are filed in the US the day after Valentine’s Day than any other day in the year. In the absence of reliable records I’m going to track my blog stats to see whether I get more search engine hits and enquiries on ‘divorce in Nigeria’ on that day too. Is there more discontent in the air?
I’m a scientific kind of female.
“Events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness.”
Don’t we all know that feeling?
So which do you think you are feeling? Lust? Attraction? Attachment? Or is it just plain need and fear that’s keeping you in bondage in a loveless abusive relationship? Abuse isn’t only physical. If your spouse constantly creates an atmosphere of rigid control and terror you may be in an abusive relationship. Even if he is providing everything.
Will your relationship or marriage survive Valentine’s Day? Will that slap you receive, literal or figurative, when you innocently ask what he got you for Valentine’s be the final straw that makes you say ‘enough is enough’. Will you finally realize that his isolating you from family and friends is abusive behaviour?
I’ll have a tweet meet @MzAgams on February 14th and 15 give some heartfelt and sincere marriage advice to the many broken hearts that may finally decide on Valentine’s Day – the day of love – they deserve better than an abusive spouse. I’ll answer all your questions about family law, matrimonial causes and child custody issues. Is 8pm good?