As part of Adult Sex Education month I’m facilitating a discussion on twitter tonight on “Casual Sex, Hook-Ups & Friends With Benefits”. ‘Casual sex‘, also called recreational sex, seems to be any sexual activity outside the context of a committed emotionally exclusive relationship.
There is a diversity of opinion for and against casual sex. And different standards and sanctions for men and women that have casual sex even though the World Health Organisation has said;
“Sexual rights protect all people’s rights to fulfil and express their sexuality and enjoy sexual health, with due regard for the rights of others and within a framework of protection against discrimination.” (WHO, 2006a, updated 2010)
Most Nigerian’s don’t talk about sex openly. And when they do they rarely tell the truth. The appearance of virtue is frequently more important than actual virtue. Adult Sex Month is a great opportunity to crack open that guilt ridden vault and let in some air and light.
As a Nigerian what do you think about casual sex? What is your advice on casual sex? One young Nigerian women laments the new era of open sexuality and casual sex here. Jess Obinwanne wrote about Nigeria’s changing sexual values in Daily Times in 2011 here. I personally recall encountering similar sentiments as a teenager and young adult, everyone publicly lamenting the loss of that Victorian innocence. As usual without a hint of irony.
I googled ‘casual sex Nigeria’ I got lots of results for young men unabashedly looking for sugar mummies, the two examples above and Dr. Abogena’s ‘Christian Sex Rules‘. He says casual sex is emotionally unsatisfying and ignores that an absence of emotion is the objective. I sent him an email asking him to share some more of his thoughts and join us tomorrow. Still waiting for a response. I saw only one result for a Nigerian female looking for casual sex on nairaland back in 2007. She was crucified.
When I googled ‘casual sex’ I got some sex positive, interesting and informative results from HuffPost, Jezebel, ask.men.co.uk and BlogHer. Their advice can be summed up as – talk about it first, respect each others opinions (and feelings), use protection, talk about it again, where possible don’t spend the night together, don’t feel guilty and don’t exploit. I also came across The Casual Sex Project where people share their casual sex stories in an effort to debunk stereotypes and misconceptions.
So as usual in Nigeria a lot of moralising and no useful advice despite the fact that a whole lot of casual sex is going on and is acknowledged. Over the past few days following other discussions on #sextalknaija I have been struck by suggestions that Nigerian women are unable to negotiate sex or are too inhibited sexually yet everyone is also lamenting the loss of values, virginity, growing incidence of STI’s, divorce, ‘run babes’ and prostitution.
The choice to have casual sex (or any type of sex) or not resides with the parties and not anyone else but the choice must be an informed choice. Make no moral judgment about right or wrong/good or bad. That’s for each person to decide. Different strokes for different folks you know. Sorta like religion. Just keep health and safety first. Before sensual pleasure. Or beside it at least. Right?
Let’s talk about this. Join me tonight at 7pm GMT for #sextalknaija