Surviving Abuse – Abusive Parents of Adult Children. Does it Stop?

“Many adult children of abusers continue to deal with ongoing abuse long after we have reached the age of maturity.

Child abuse is always spoken about as a thing of the past. We either deride adults for being unable to “overcome” it or we encourage them to deal with their “wounded inner child.

I was surprised by how many people wrote to tell me about ways in which their parents financially abused them.

If the stories of financial abuse shocked me, the stories of new or continued sexual abuse left me bereft.

People sent me stories about parents who have beaten their adult children so badly they had to be hospitalized.

Others kept their abuse more strategic, mostly to keep them from feeling strong and independent.

And then there are abusive parents who force their children to care for them.

…it is not only possible for parents to continue abusing their adult children, it is a likely outcome. Our default assumption should be that abusive parents never stop abusing. They just change their tactics.”

Wow. THIS is an important read for everyone. Did you think the abuse ended when you left the house? You see how the abuse is continued in adulthood? You need to identify abusers and you need to call them out or banish them out of your life. They will not change, they will continue to abuse you in different and various ways. Its not easy to stand up for yourself, parental bonds run deep.

Did you ever wonder if childhood abuse was just a set up for life long ‘domination and control?

….”the abuse they survived in childhood was their parents’ way of laying the groundwork so that they could continue tormenting and manipulating their children for the rest of their lives.”

One of the most insidious forms of abuse is financial. Either the parent sucks the financial life out of you or they use their money to manipulate you. Doesn’t it just get in your caw when abusive parents expect you to care for them financially without complaint or question? And abuse you if you don’t or can’t? Or guilts you, or threatens to commit suicide…..

That IS abusive behaviour, its manipulative and ignores your self-determination.

We live communally in Africa – for and with each other – but it should be cooperative and never coercive, understanding not exploitative, loving not entitled. Healthy. Not distorted.

Like all abusive relationships no one can tell the victim what to do about it, thats each persons personal decision and choice.

May you be a survivor not a victim.


Francis Bacon - Man and Child

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