Nwachinemere Reflects on 2015

I call myself Nwachinemere because the Universe has been so kind to me. All my life.

As I reflect on the past year I think of the many ways in which it has been kind in 2015.

Its been a year of growth – professionally, personally and spiritually and in one way or the other you have been a part of that. I’d like to thank you. I have deepened my compassion and empathy, my faith in a friendly Universe and my commitment to light, love and a global community.

Some great masters before me said already that we exist for and because of each other. In Africa we have come to call it Ubuntu. Our lives are made richer through each other. Thank you for enriching my life with your presence in it.

It was some other old master (or mistress) that said “Let no one be your friend or foe, let everyone be your teacher.” I have learnt many things from each of you – about life, the universe, human nature, love, work, relationships, politics, happiness, freedom and joy. And its all been good.

Its also been a year of many changes and not just in government or ruling party. There have been personal changes. I’ve let go of old hurts and grievances, old habits and behaviour, old ways of being and old prejudices.

There have been professional changes too – I’ve come to terms with who I am and what I am. And my purpose. And my vision. I’m no longer trying to change the world. Or anybody else. I’m working on changing myself, on being myself, on being The Change.

Of course the environment has undergone radical changes that cannot be ignored – the change in government has brought radical change in the socio-economic and political landscape and requires us to adapt accordingly.

Government in Nigeria is increasingly dominated by patriarchal, patrician and conservatively religious men. Women hold less than 10% of total positions in government – elective and appointive.

This has created a dangerous imbalance that shows up in mass killings, violent crime, kidnapping, insurgency, extra-judicial murder, repressive tactics from state institutions – police, army, traffic police, customs etc etc etc.

There is a branch of feminism known as eco-feminism that likens the oppression and domination of women to the oppression and domination of Mother Earth. It says that to heal the Earth we must first heal the relationship between men and women. How we treat women is how we treat the Earth.

Ayurveda says every individual has a feminine and a masculine nature and a imbalance between the two manifests as disease in the body. Could anything be more apt right now? Isn’t Government and the Earth manifesting dis-ease?

Would gender equity and justice automatically change the world? Well, look at it this way – the sort of paradigm shift required to end women’s oppression would inevitably necessitate the recognition of the rights of ALL Others.

And my personal purpose in all this? To Become More Feminine.

Can The Attorney General Of Nigeria Open An Inquiry Into Sugabelly’s Charges Against Mohammed Audu?

Still Talking About Rape, Sexual Assault & Trafficking

When I think of the millions of young girls and women that have been and are being abused – sexually and physically – I get so angry.

Sexual abuse of children and young people destroys lives.

They will have sex eventually, allow them grow up and understand what its about first nah!

All those apologists that blame the rape victims even when they are children – I have no words for you.

if you think its okay for any reason what so ever I have no words for you – except to advice you to block ya’self now now.

I cannot even open my mouth to say – don’t call me if they rape your 6 year old. Because if you do I will still fucking answer and defend that child.

But I will finish you.

All these cretins questioning another’s experience of sexual assault don’t realise they only condemn themselves. You’re projecting onto Sugabelly YOUR values, beliefs and motives.

What you accuse her of is what YOU think. It would be so much better if haters and critics shut it for a bit. Everything you say says more about you than the person you accuse.

Don’t you get it? Can’t you see? Don’t you understand?

You have no proof she is a gold digger but YOU ARE by the confession of your mouth. That is YOUR mind you expose, not Sugabelly’s!

And you get upset when I call you morons? Dumb ass!

You say she wanted to marry you by all means? No, you fucking arrogant sack of shit! Thats what you think, that girls with you want to marry you by all means! Chick said she loved you.

All the men and women asking why she went back – tell me , swear to me that you are not in an abusive relationship yourself and refusing to walk away.

You think abuse is only when there is blood, gore and bullets? You don’t know that verbal abuse is also abuse? You haven’t heard of emotional abuse? And financial abuse?

Google it. You’ll even find a quiz in case you are still not sure.

Why you haven’t walked away from that dude/chick that berates and belittles you like say you be small pikin? You don’t know thats ‘abuse’?

Don’t you know that rejecting food, the ‘silent treatment’ and withholding economic privileges are abusive, manipulative and coercive? Why haven’t you walked away?

You didn’t know you were being abused when you caught your spouse cheating and they denied it categorically? Like say you no see wetin you see. Its called ‘gas-lighting’. You can google it.

You don’t see it as abusive when a spouse cheats and ask the other – what can you do about it? Why you no leave? Why you no leave that time he slap you?

If your understanding of ‘abuse’ is a single physical and violent incident you are being wilfully blind to a range of continuous psychological abuse that is always present in abusive relationships.

There are indeed degrees of abuse – but its all ABUSE. How healthy is your relationship? Why aren’t you walking away? You can tolerate this but not that? Are you okay? You dey hear ya’self? Abeg get real.

I remember being that age. I remember being romantic, naive, intense and more than a little bit needy and insecure – like any normal teenager – I’m glad I didn’t meet a fucking psychopath.

My only thought as I read her story was – there but for the grace of god go I……