I have never made a birthday list but something about attaining 50 feels appropriate to start one. So I am now accepting birthday presents. Here is a comprehensive list of what I will and what I will not accept as a birthday present. Yes, I DO have a choice.
- Cash – in millions only be it Naira, Yen, USD, GBP, Euro or the Shilling. However we do not accept Zimbabwe dollars. Nothing less than seven figures is acceptable.
- Jewellery – must be real and expensive, diamonds are a girls best friend and I am partial to emeralds. Artsy crafts jewellery is not acceptable. I can buy that for myself.
- A Bang & Olufsen BeoVisionII Television and hone sound system
- A Car – a Mercedes AMG , or an Aston MartinD810
- A Country Estate in England
- Leslie Castle lin Scotland
- A chateau in the south of France
- A 510,000 acre ranch in Texas
- An island in the Caribbean
- Tableware preferences can be found here (Cornucopia and Gold Collections)
- Baccarat Glassware registry is here
- Rare expensive repatriated African arts like this Urhobo beauty that sold for over $100,000 at Sotheby’s. Or this Benin terracotta head that went for a cool $1,930,000!
- Any Diane Arbus photograph will always be a welcome part of my collection of Arbus.
- I’m now collecting Peter Lik too. His photograph ‘Ghost’ is stunning.
- Rare books and collectors editions of my favourite authors – Agatha Christie, James Hadley Chase, Dr. Suess, Pushkin and Eric van Lusbader. Would be especially happy to receive a first edition copy of ‘Out of Africa’. Someone stole my original 1937 edition bequeathed to me by my beloved uncle.
- Foodies – I love fine food. Accepting gifts of Beluga Caviar (you can get it at the Russian Tea Room, they ship.)
- I will accept dinner at the Carnivore in Nairobi and the
Things you are not allowed to present to me and if you do I will reject them but as nicely as possible –
- Household appliances – no circumstances can ever warrant it
- Cheap celebrity branded perfumes
- DVD’s or CD’s (if that the best you can do you probably need the money more than I need a present)
- Cheap liquor
- A Volkswagen of any type, year or model.
- A Toyota, a Kia, A Honda or any other car made over there. yes, that includes the Lexus.
- Cheap wine (unless you’re presenting me with the vineyard and why cheap eh?)
- Beer (unless its the fucking brewery)
- Groceries – including rice, garri, yam and plantain
- Livestock (unless it comes with the ranch)
- Lingerie (Sorry, I don’t know any of you all THAT well)
- A wedding ring
If by any chance you review this list and find nothing that fits your budget remember – humour is priceless, `come and give me a laugh. I cannot never resist roses – the more of them the weaker my resistance. And champagne, chocolates and strawberries will create enough endorphins to make a girl of any age happy – for while – at least long enough for you to make your escape.
You know where to find me. Waiting