MzAgams@50: The Essential Birthday List

I have never made a birthday list but something about attaining 50 feels appropriate to start one. So I am now accepting birthday presents. Here is a comprehensive list of what I will and what I will not accept as a birthday present. Yes, I DO have a choice.

1. Cash – in millions only be it Naira, Yen, USD, GBP, Euro or the Shilling. However we do not accept Zimbabwe dollars. Nothing less than seven figures is acceptable.
2. Jewellery – must be real and expensive, diamonds are a girls best friend and I am partial to emeralds. Artsy crafts jewellery is not acceptable. I can buy that for myself.
3. A Bang & Olufsen  BeoVisionII Television and hone sound system
4. A Car – a Mercedes AMG , or an Aston MartinD810
5. A Country Estate in England
6. Leslie Castle lin Scotland
7. A chateau in the south of France
8. A 510,000 acre ranch in Texas
9. An island in the Caribbean
10. Tableware preferences can be found here (Cornucopia and Gold Collections)
11. Baccarat Glassware registry is here
12. Rare expensive repatriated African arts like this Urhobo beauty that sold for over $100,000 at Sotheby’s. Or this Benin terracotta head that went for a cool $1,930,000!
13. Any Diane Arbus photograph will always be a welcome part of my collection of Arbus.
14. I’m now collecting Peter Lik too. His photograph ‘Ghost’ is stunning.
15. Rare books and collectors editions of my favourite authors – Agatha Christie, James Hadley Chase, Dr. Suess, Pushkin and Eric van Lusbader. Would be especially happy to receive a first edition copy of ‘Out of Africa’. Someone stole my original 1937 edition bequeathed to me by my beloved uncle.
16. Foodies – I love fine food. Accepting gifts of Beluga Caviar (you can get it at the Russian Tea Room, they ship.)
17. I will accept dinner at the Carnivore in Nairobi and the
    Churrascaria Palace in Rio de Janeiro
    Things you are not allowed to present to me and if you do I will reject them but as nicely as possible –

1. Household appliances – no circumstances can ever warrant it
2. Cheap celebrity branded perfumes
3. DVD’s or CD’s (if that the best you can do you probably need the money more than I need a present)
4. Cheap liquor
5. A Volkswagen of any type, year or model.
6. A Toyota, a Kia, A Honda or any other car made over there. yes, that includes the Lexus.
7. Cheap wine (unless you’re presenting me with the vineyard and why cheap eh?)
8. Beer (unless its the fucking brewery)
9. Groceries – including rice, garri, yam and plantain
10. Livestock (unless it comes with the ranch)
11. Lingerie (Sorry, I don’t know any of you all THAT well)
12. A wedding ring

If by any chance you review this list and find nothing that fits your budget remember – humour is priceless, `come and give me a laugh. I cannot never resist roses – the more of them the weaker my resistance. And champagne, chocolates and strawberries will create enough endorphins to make a girl of any age happy – for while – at least long enough for you to make your escape.

You know where to find me. Waiting

I really like THESE diamonds