About

“Bone by bone, hair by hair, Wild Woman comes back. Through night dreams, through events half understood and half remembered…”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés,

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“If you have yet to be called an incorrigable, defiant woman,
don’t worry, there is still time”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

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lesleyagams@yahoo.com

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28 thoughts on “About

  1. I will like to seek some legal advise in family law please:
    I had a Court Wedding in Nigeria in 2003 and had a child out of the weeding. I left for the UK in 2004 and visit frequently. The relationship nosedived since 2006 when my wife moved out of the home and gave no forwarding address. All efforts to locate her had been unsuccessful. I have met with her mum many times and other members of the family who denied knowledge of her whereabouts. I took the case to the Child Welfare Service in Nigeria in 2011 who wrote to the last known address (the mum’s) inviting my wife, she did not turn up, her mum did and gave Service her daughter phone number. The number was never answered.
    At this time I am contemplating filling for child access/custody either alone or with divorce.
    How will you advise this be approached for the best outcome. Our daughter is now seven. I permanently reside in the UK.

    1. Dear Ade,

      Unless you have an address or location for your wife its hard to do anything. Are you sure she’s even in Nigeria?

      It’s not important why your marriage crashed. You have rights to access or visit your child unless a court stripes you of them.

      Perhaps a private investigator can help you locate them. Meanwhile stay in touch with your wife’s family. Your child may get in touch someday and its good for her to know you cared.

      Best of luck

      Lesley.

  2. Hello Madam, I would appreciate your take on a family issue I have at the moment. Myself and my ex got married Apr 2009. The marriage has produced two wonderful kids. Our first daughter is Three Years Old while our second, a boy, is a Year plus. My ex moved out of our home sometime Oct 2011 after some marital dispute and in January 2012 I got a call from child welfare officials that my ex complained that i wasn’t providing for the children’s upkeep. I honored their invitation and explained to them that i was already providing for them by crediting her acct on a monthly basis as soon as she moved out. The welfare officers concurred at the time after checking the facts. after some persuasion, I was asked to increase the monthly stipend. I agreed but requested that I shud be allowed to have access to my kids. We then signed off a Note of Understanding stating that I will pay a monthly stipend, take full responsibility for schooling and medical bills. the agreement allowed our first born to spend the last weekend of every month with me. This arrangement lasted only three months after which she refused to release our daughter to spend the last weekend with me as was agreed. I complained to the Welfare Officers who brokered the arrangement then but they seemed powerless in enforcing the agreement. I was then advised to withhold the upkeep I pay until she agrees to release our daughter to me as agreed. Now, by some scheming on the part of my ex, the same welfare officers are now harassing me all over the place that I must pay the backlog of upkeep money. I explained to them that I had to problem paying but I shud be granted access to my children as was agreed. they have refused. I would appreciate your advise on the way forward to enforcing my rights. Please note that, while my ex refused to release our daughter, I still pay her school fees and medical bill. Kindly advice. shoodeen@yahoo.com

    1. The danger of withholding child payments has become evident to you. If you pay the back log and she still refuses to let you see your children you should petition the court to make a formal order on custody. High Court if you married in the registry, the Catholic or the Anglican Church and Customary court if you had a traditional wedding or went to any other church.

  3. Hello, I got married to my wife in 2008 in a catholic church in my village. A marriage certificate was issued which is with me. Currently, we have 2 kids together.
    Just this Monday, my wife forced her way to my company vault against the wish of my staff(my business outfit that am a director) and made away with d sum of 630,150naira. And she travelled to her village. I have pleaded with her to return the money, but she is adamant. According to her, she is not coming back. Just this night, we were exchanging short messages on mobile, she willingly offered that we divorce so she can live her life the way she feels like. Personally, I am pleased to start a divorce proceedings as well. Pls could u advise me?

  4. Hi, stumbled on one of your posts and found it really really helpfull. I was married for almost five years and I have been seperated for almost a year.(I moved out) We have a four year old son. Since we have been seperated he has not communicated or contributed towards our sons upkeep. I am planning on filing for divorce citing irreconsilable differences(my husband is an alchoholic and was emotionally abusive). Could you kindly reccomend a lawyer(lagos based) who can assist with securing full custody of my son. I will not be seeking any sort of child support or alimony. Please assist. Thank you.

  5. Hi! Your blog is such an amazing find. Pls I need your imput.. I was married for almost 5 years and I moved out almost a year ago( my husband is an alchoholic and was emotionally abusive) I moved out with my 4 year old son. My husband has not communicated or made any financial contributions towards my son’s upkeed since we moved out. I intend to file for divorce citing irreconcilable differences and will be filing fo full custody of my child also. Is it possible for you to recommend a lawyer or law firm(based in lagos) that can assist with my case. Thank you so much.

  6. This blog helps a great deal. Pls can u link me 2 a private investigator in abuja. I would really be grateful

  7. I ve a question about Nigeria divorce. I was separated for like 9yrs now I ddnt do any divorce I did traditional n church wedding I want to remarry now how do I go abt the divorce am a woman need ur urgent reply thx

    1. Did you register with the local government? Did the church give you a registry certificate? If not then you have traditional marriage or customary marriage and all that is necessary is to file with a customary court and repay the bride price. Unfortunately I am not as knowledgeable about customary laws all over Nigeria and they differ from state to state. The tribal laws of the wife home town apply in most cases

  8. Am new here; it’s wonderful what I see. I would like to share my experience in marriage too if that’s okay and safe.

  9. Hi. Just went through your blog and I must commend the work you do here. I would like to make an enquiry about something. I got married traditionally to my husband who is based outside the country in 2014. I got pregnant almost immediately and we have a son. I endured endured both emotional, verbal and physical abuse from him for about 6 months before he returned back to base.. he doesn’t pick my calls or send money for the baby’s upkeep and has been away for over one year now. I have decided to ask my parents to return his bride price but want to keep my child and request that he provides for him. please, how do I go about it? I’m still in th higher institution and there’s very little I can do to support my baby and I. thanks

    1. return his bride price as soon as possible, he can’t take the baby from you before 7 or 8 years and he will still have to prove he can be a better parent so won’t be easy

  10. I got married two years ago,I don’t love my wife but my mum wanted her cos of her tribe,I loved someone else but my family never wanted that one,I married the one they wanted there have not been love till today am planing of divorcing her cos the other girl have a daughter now for me who is 6months old,and my wife baby with me is one year old,I hate my wife so much,have never been happy since I got married till today..pls advice me

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