What I Hate About Religion

First of all you can’t talk back and you can’t question what some one else – another living-breathing-shitting-pooping-fucking human being just like you – is telling you about ‘God’ and how to serve worship or believe in Her. Everything must be accepted ‘by faith’ in God’s mouth piece.


And they’re all men. Every dominant religion today was proposed, interpreted and headed by men! The Bible – written by a bunch of men that could have had schizophrenia for all we know. Isn’t hearing voices a symptom?

The Koran; written entirely by one man who also said his is the last message of God. Ever again. Like after him She can’t possibly have anything else to say. Him don talk am finish. No more prophets. Ever. Are you trying to muzzle God?!

The Catholic Church, the Pope, the Dalai Lama. You catch my drift right? Oh sure, women are being allowed into the ranks of previously exclusively male priesthood’s. So what?

All the dominant religions speak and practice exclusion and domination. The ‘us’ versus ‘them’ dynamic. What happened to love and compassion? Even the ones that preach love and compassion! We need safe spaces for enlightened discourse, community and worship! Not training centres for intolerance and guilt!

And all this fire and brimstone talk about going to hell and sin. The righteous should be gleefully happy that us sinners are going to hell to burn forever but no they chase us up and down trying to save our ‘soul’. I mean what arrogant bullshit! Abeg save ya self first!

You want me to buy your BS that you care for my immortal soul? Na so. Na you good pass.  Surely if I have the right to choice my husband and how many children I have and where we live I have the right to decide where my ‘soul’ goes when I’m dead

Not that I sit around worrying about where I may or may not be going after I die. I got my hands full creating my heaven right here on earth and getting out of the hell intolerant religious extremists people make it. Religious bunkum! Its not the homosexuals making it hell.

Why is so important to you that we sinners change our ways? Why is important to you that I believe in your god more than my own anyway? The world will go to hell? It is hell already! And Nigeria is the hottest part of it, after India and Pakistan that is.

I know you probably think earthquakes and epidemics are God’s punishment for sin but that doesn’t make it true you know.

Religion has become an indoctrination not an education.

My vision for a tolerant future?

A world where parents and governments aren’t allowed to indoctrinate children. Where children learn about all religions, including atheism (yes, I believe it is a religion) read their various texts and MAKE UP THEIR OWN MIND at graduation and whatever ritual that comes with it. That would be my ideal world.

Religions are cults!



I remember as a kid living in the US that every one had a fly swatter and stayed pretty busy most of the summer swatting flies. There was even much boasting about who was the better fly swat marksman. I thought it was all very annoying. Its been decades since I spent a summer in the west. Now I understand why fly swatting was such an important pass time.


Windows in the lovely English village where I have been living the past four months don’t have netting on them and most certainly don’t have security bars! I found it very difficult to sleep the first few nights of summer with the windows wide open. I felt so vulnerable. 35 years of bars and nets on the windows leaves it mark. I felt like an institutionalized ex-convict.

Its the hottest English summer on record since God knows when, not that I can tell, feels less hot than early morning in Abuja. Anyway the windows are open all the time. No one has air conditioning so in order to be comfortable in these temperatures you got to leave the net-less and bar-less windows open. And the noisy flies come buzzing in with your fear.

In Nigeria I would have been ready for them, I would have my insecticide within reach and I would zap them dead without much thought or remorse. Here I have no insecticide and the village shop doesn’t sell it. And since I’m in Great Britain I must consider whether there is a society for the prevention of cruelty to flies or something lying in wait for me to start killing flies.

They got a humane society’s for saving pretty much everything else; dogs, cats, gorillas, foxes, bunny rabbits, donkeys, children, homeless children, orphans, babies, sick babies, sick people, autistic people, mad people, sick old people. All you have to do as a caring, sharing, loving human being is give them £2 a month. They’re on TV every other minute. It all seems a bit sleazy watching it; to think that’s how my BINGO raised money too.


I resent all these feel-sorry-for-me images of animals and children that make me squirm and feel uncomfortable. You’re watching NCIS and boom, free guilt trip. I am not one of the rich elite whose beliefs, values, policies and obscene wealth accumulation create poverty, I never was, why should I feel guilty. Hell, I’m one of the poor now. I’ve been slowly slipping into poverty ever since I lost my job.

Back to the flies. They come swarming through the open windows. I swat at them vigorously with a small towel careful not to knock anything over. When the last one is dead I angrily close the windows. In less than 5 minutes I  have to open them and the flies swarm in. Again. And I’m swatting them. Again. Till they flee or die.  Again.  And I slam close the window. Again. What a way to spend an afternoon when I should be writing.

I find out there is no society for the protection of flies from human cruelty. So I start imaging catching the flies one by one and pulling off their wings. Its easier than you think. I know cause when I was a kid I had a pet lizard in a big glass jar. Maybe there is a niche for a society that protects humans from flies? In Africa we would call it a public health program.

When I have money I will join the Campaign for Real Ale and Phillip Morris’ smokers rights campaign Enough is Enough. At least they are not trying to make me feel spoiled, inconsiderate, insensitive, guilty or too stupid to be entrusted with my own care. Quite the opposite. They pay lip service to my individuality, my autonomy and my sovereignty.

I do say I get this certain feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment each time I actually kill one of those pesky buzzing flies with my improvised swatter. Especially if I had stealthily stalked it from across the room.  It may be time to leave this village soon. Its having a most surprising effect. I’m writing about flies.  Or am I?


Over-Taxed! Over-Regulated!! Criminalized!!! It’s My Life! Give Me Back My Freedom!

I’m so miserable and irritable right now that if you were here with me I could literally chew through the tough sinews of your neck. I’m going through a miserable process of nicotine withdrawal. Again. I’ve quit smoking for the umpteenth  time. I always come back to it.

I really enjoy  smoking. Its not just a psychological crutch or a chemical addiction. It is also a social behavior like drinking or sports or church that identifies and bonds me to other people that smoke  and share similar interests, values and hobbies with me.

Indeed I am aware of all the health hazards, how can I not be when every pack of cigarettes I buy tells me so in a variety of unpleasant, intrusive and horrific messages and  images. And I find some of those images especially traumatic and a lot like bullying!

My feelings about all the people endlessly preaching at me why I should stop smoking are like my feelings about evangelicals that insist I accept their savior, be HE Christ, Mohammed, Krishna or Buddha (notice no one calls Gaia, Isis or Virgin Mary the savior).

The religious justify their intrusion into my personal space, time and choices by  claiming the fate of my soul is very important to them because they love me. The health advocates justify their nuisance by claiming my health  is important to them because they love my family or strangers inhaling smoke.

My answer to both nuisances is please, nothing about my life or death can be more important to you than it is to me, so stop with the hypocritical, judgmental self righteousness and hysterics. You are not doing it because you care, you are doing it  because you are a judgmental prick and a busy body.

No, sorry, I do not believe that you love me more than I love myself. If you do then please hand over your trust fund, your family jewels, your spouse and your kidneys so I can buy myself a Ferrari.  Maybe then I’ll believe you love me more than I love myself cause I wouldn’t go that far to buy a Ferrari.

I’m enduring these awful withdrawal symptoms because its just too f***ing expensive to smoke in England. That’s right I’m not stopping because I want to be obscenely healthy, perky and live to be a 110. I’m not unhappy with my state of health.  I’ve smoked for years, my body is used to functioning with nicotine!

In England a pack of cigarettes costs what a roll costs me in Nigeria! and I’m not even a citizen or a resident or registered with the NHS which means her majesty’s government will not be footing my medical bills if my habit leads to disease or sickness or death.

I can sort of understand them controlling their welfare dependent masses but what’s my own in all this? I received a leaflet in the last pack of 10 cigarettes that I bought for the outrageous price of £4.25 (over NGN1000!) saying more than 75% of the price goes to taxes!  Where the hell do I go for a rebate?

Smoking bans in pubs, in clubs! in hotels, if you rent the landlord can ask you not to smoke in the space you are paying for! Some MPs are considering bans in cars and homes too! This is way too much Big Brother for me. And to think in Big Brother House you can smoke!

Enough is enough!  I’m glad to see Phillip Morris has started a campaign to take back our rights as smokers! Know More!  is sampling public opinion. If I were British and had the time I would lead their campaign!  Its becoming more than a little bit ridiculous.

I saw an online headline today about a 86 year old gay male who said he grew up feeling like a criminal, well now I’m the one who is increasingly being made to feel like a criminal. How long do you think before they make tobacco an illegal class A drug like marijuana or cocaine?

You do know that about a 100 years ago or so both were legal right? The il-legalization process sounds disturbingly familiar. Now most jails are filled with drug offenders, not dangerous criminals. And please if you make any comments about how drugs correlate with crime I will not approve them!

F*** you, if the government can control what you and I consume in the privacy of our homes and clubs and pubs I can control what gets said on MY blog! I’m irritable, anxious, frustrated, tense, my blood sugar is fluctuating, and I’m constipated! So f*** you.

Its not just not-so-great-anymore-Britain and the EU making tobacco smokers lives furtive  and miserable. Elitist Third World governments that don’t even provide their citizens with aspirin are also restricting the use of tobacco as if tobacco was the cause of low life expectancy in their countries.

Smokers Unite! It is time to put a stop to this global madness before we end up smoking tobacco surreptitiously in our bathrooms praying the police don’t break down the door and arrest us. As if the police don’t have more important things to do with their time and our f***ing taxes than monitor what f***ing ADULTS do with their time and money!