What is Grooming? And How Does It Concern @sugabelly? How Does It Concern Us?

The topic of the moment in Nigeria has been the ‘rape’ of @sugabelly. This is the full story here.

Many have questioned why she stayed, why she kept going back and why she didn’t tell someone. Some have questioned if it was ‘rape’.

The story bore great similarities to a story I read of the UK men that routinely groomed young girls for sex slavery, exploitation and prostitution. Read it here.

Sugabelly’s case seems to be a classic case of grooming for abuse.

“Grooming is a tactic of overcoming the survivor’s defenses by slowly desensitizing his or her natural reaction to abusive behaviors. The most commonly recognized context is when pedophiles use it on children and their parents, but the technique is also used in other contexts, such as confidence scams or commercial sex work. Grooming works by mixing positive behaviors with elements of abuse. At the beginning, all behaviors are positive. Slowly, abusive elements are added in amounts that surprise the survivor to an extent, but do not push alarm to a high level. Overtime, the inappropriate comes to feel normal. Because the primary aggressor’s real goal isn’t understood by the survivor, he or she often misses the harmful implication and dismisses the internal signals of alarm that do arise.

“For most of the relationship, the survivor may be eager to experience the sense of specialness and push to see the primary aggressor. This may contribute to later guilt and shame when frank abuse is occurring. Because of the staged and confusing progression, the survivor may not at the end understand that the primary aggressor has been the sole instigator. The survivor might erroneously believe that there has been a mutual progression. This is largely responsible for the tragic, well-known reluctance of survivors to report abuse.”

 

I am convinced that these men are still abusing other young vulnerable women. Even if Sugabelly isn’t pressing charges, they should be investigated. I’m sure they can be prosecuted under the NAPTIP or the new VAPP Bill. It really is time to do something.

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