NEW BLOG POST: My Top Twenty Lessons of 2012 for Beginning Social Entrepreneurs

1. Be ready to forego some of your creature comforts.  Ain’t easy raising capital. Accumulate your cash.

2. Be ready to be disheartened and disappointed. Don’t waste too much energy on it.  Depression is for the birds

3. You will alienate family and  friends.  Don’t worry about it. They’ll come round when your successful and rich

4. Be methodical. Build your pyramid. The base is always wider and takes more work to build than the top.

5. If its not part of the plan and doesn’t add recognizable value AVOID IT. That includes negative people, get rich quick schemes, unsolicited advise, well or ill meaning people who think they know more about how to run your life than you do and ‘deals’.

6. Remember to service your debts. You don’t want creditors making life complicated but you don’t want to spend all your money paying debt either. Find a balance you can maintain.

7. Always remember your debts.  Be it a debt for a kindness, goods or services. The friend who gave you her couch for some weeks. The vendor that let’s you pay your bills a little late.  You get the drift? The Favor Bank is serious business.

8. Stay in touch with positive energizing people. Its easy to retreat into your shell and sometimes its necessary but its important to stay in touch and cultivate positive progressive people  who make you feel good and who you’ll want to work with in the future.

9. Don’t look down on the ‘little people’. Learn some humility. Life is tough enough. Compassion is a healthy healing feeling.

10. Persist till you breakthrough. Believe that you can. You will

11. Live within your means.  Scrutinize all gifts. You might have short term gratification but you need long term sustainability. Delay gratification.

12.  Entrepreneurs are risk takers.  Learn to mitigate risk. I learnt to swim at 5 by jumping into the deep end of the pool and flailing around till I got a hang of it. Nowadays I pause to make sure there’s a life guard on duty and maybe ask for some basic tips.

13, Listen to your gut, your intuition your instincts. If it feels ‘wrong’ pass it on. Not every opportunity is the right one.

14. Know exactly what you want and keep your aim on the goal. Everything else is a hurdle to jump, move around or avoid.  Prioritize accordingly.

15. You got only one person to please. That’s yourself. If you can go to bed at night hungry in a strange bed yet still feel you’ve done a good job you are an entrepreneur.

16.  Find the eye of the storm. If it passes over you grab a rock and cling on with your finger nails. This too will pass.

17. Well minded opportunism is a great asset, the Universe is conspiring with you already. If it seems right don’t hesitate, GO FOR IT

18.  Be kind to yourself. Self care and self love. Eat right. Exercise. And be happy.

19.  Believe in something bigger than yourself.

20. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. ignore the psycho babblers.

feminism31.jpg

Advertisements

Dealing With A Divorce in Nigeria

You  finally did it you took the plunge you files a divorce petition against that no good cheating night crawling broke ass violent abusive spouse of yours. So why are you feeling blue? Why are you crying at the slightest ting like a woman a hormonal imbalance? Why are you avoiding people and places? Why you hiding out at home in your negligee or wrapper or sweats or whatever you wear watching cheesy soap operas? Why are you moping around like someone died? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating with the girls or the kids or the family or someone?

Of course not, you are and you should be grieving. When you walked down the aisle, whether literally or figuratively you intended it to be a lifetime partnership, I’m sure you didn’t plan for it to be for a while. Right?  Okay some of you might have. Doesn’t matter. Even if was just a pretend marriage you had to have developed some attachment to your spouse. Even if it was just sexual or a codependency or you’re a socio-path. Okay?

Your relationship, your codependency, your marriage just ended. It is like a death. In my former practice at the women’s abuse shelter we counselled all women that went through our program to allow themselves at least a year to grieve and heal before even considering a new relationship if they were considering one at all.  Sound advice still. You will go through the five stages of grief and it will impair your judgement  some folks more than others.  Remember that. Don’t make too many life changing decisions right now if you can avoid it.

Find out about what’s happening to you right now and how to help yourself. Follow this link to some on line resources on grief management. If you understand what’s happening to you it will be easier to get through the process safely and without bitterness, rancour or other life sapping negative emotions that your soon to be ex-spouse would be only too glad to know you have to distract you from your purpose which should be to live the best life that you possibly can.

I’m sure the sociocultural environment of Nigeria won’t help but there isn’t much I can do about that  from here.  Surround yourself with people that support you right now.  When you are stronger you can deal with the rest.  For many of you this will be the hardest part, breaking free and through the endemic social inhibitions and institutions that will challenge your right and your choice every step  of the way to kingdom come.

Grief is a physiological process, you cant get away from it, learn to use it positively to grow.

Be well

 

What You Need To Do Before Getting A Divorce in Nigeria

Once you’ve made up your mind to get a divorce here are the next ten steps you should take

1. Plan where you r going to live. If you want custody of the children the court will demand to know how and where you with live with them. In some cases the courts have accepted a woman’s parents residence but almost never if you are living with anyone else.

2. Start saving money, you will need all the money you can get whether you are expecting to live on your own or with your children.  And divorce proceedings can get expensive.

3. Get a job if you don’t have one. To get custody the court will demand you show proof of work.

4. Calculate /track your living expenses for 3 to 6 months with receipts etc.

5. If you cannot work or get a job you must be able to demand maintenance from your spouse especially if your spouse prevented you working.  Gather evidence to prove this.

6. Make copies of all important documentation like marriage certificates, children’s birth certificates. Any properties you own together that you believe you have a substantial claim or interest in

7. Consider whether you were married in church and which one, in a registry or a traditional ceremony or a combination of the 3.  If you were married in the Catholic Church or the Anglican Church your marriage comes under statutory law even if you did not go to a registry.  Your lawyer will  file in the High court. If you married in any of the other churches you should ask them. I’ll get information on all churches that qualify asap and post to the blog. If its a traditional ceremony only then customary and tribal law applies.  You’re petition will be filed in a customary court. Look for a lawyer whose expertise is there

8. Make a short-list of lawyers to see in your locality. Get names by word of mouth, on-line or through legal articles. Go and interview each of them. Make sure they understand the particular law as it relates to you and are sympathetic with you. If their first response is to advice or insist on reconciliation move on.  Do not go with your evidence for the first meeting. Assess the lawyer before making a commitment.

9. If you’re satisfied that the lawyer will act in your best interest to secure a divorce/ separation for you and get custody for you then go and give him photocopies of all your evidence for assessment.  Create your own file to keep at home. This when you should pay your retainer fee and sign an agreement with your lawyer.

10. If you want to claim maintenance or even division of property you will need evidence of your spouses income and assets.  This will include salary slips, bank statements, property deeds etc. Make sure you get copies of all these things if they are available.

10. Talk to your family and your friends and your pastor before deciding on a divorce. Only go see a lawyer after you’ve decided that you want a divorce or separation. I’ve met lawyers that believe their personal ‘calling’ is to reconcile divorcing couples. I do not.

Don’t go to a lawyer unless your decision is made. Its not the lawyer’s job to help you decide one way or the other really or to advise you whether or not to get a divorce. The decision is yours,  a lawyers job is to make it legally possible for you to achieve your aim with the full protection of the law.  So help your lawyer help you.  Take these steps first.

Of course there are times when the decision to leave is abrupt and you cannot be prepared. If your life is in danger you must put your safety first.

 

12065722611591735592Peileppe_tribal_art.svg.med

 

NEW BLOG POST: My Top Twenty Lessons of 2012 for Beginning Social Entrepreneurs

1. Be ready to forego some of your creature comforts.  Ain’t easy raising capital. Accumulate your cash.

2. Be ready to be disheartened and disappointed. Don’t waste too much energy on it.  Depression is for the birds

3. You will alienate family and  friends.  Don’t worry about it. They’ll come round when your successful and rich

4. Be methodical. Build your pyramid. The base is always wider and takes more work to build than the top.

5. If its not part of the plan and doesn’t add recognizable value AVOID IT. That includes negative people, get rich quick schemes, unsolicited advise, well or ill meaning people who think they know more about how to run your life than you do and ‘deals’.

6. Remember to service your debts. You don’t want creditors making life complicated but you don’t want to spend all your money paying debt either. Find a balance you can maintain.

7. Always remember your debts.  Be it a debt for a kindness, goods or services. The friend who gave you her couch for some weeks. The vendor that let’s you pay your bills a little late.  You get the drift? The Favor Bank is serious business.

8. Stay in touch with positive energizing people. Its easy to retreat into your shell and sometimes its necessary but its important to stay in touch and cultivate positive progressive people  who make you feel good and who you’ll want to work with in the future.

9. Don’t look down on the ‘little people’. Learn some humility. Life is tough enough. Compassion is a healthy healing feeling.

10. Persist till you breakthrough. Believe that you can. You will

11. Live within your means.  Scrutinize all gifts. You might have short term gratification but you need long term sustainability. Delay gratification.

12.  Entrepreneurs are risk takers.  Learn to mitigate risk. I learnt to swim at 5 by jumping into the deep end of the pool and flailing around till I got a hang of it. Nowadays I pause to make sure there’s a life guard on duty and maybe ask for some basic tips.

13, Listen to your gut, your intuition your instincts. If it feels ‘wrong’ pass it on. Not every opportunity is the right one.

14. Know exactly what you want and keep your aim on the goal. Everything else is a hurdle to jump, move around or avoid.  Prioritize accordingly.

15. You got only one person to please. That’s yourself. If you can go to bed at night hungry in a strange bed yet still feel you’ve done a good job you are an entrepreneur.

16.  Find the eye of the storm. If it passes over you grab a rock and cling on with your finger nails. This too will pass.

17. Well minded opportunism is a great asset, the Universe is conspiring with you already. If it seems right don’t hesitate, GO FOR IT

18.  Be kind to yourself. Self care and self love. Eat right. Exercise. And be happy.

19.  Believe in something bigger than yourself.

20. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. ignore the psycho babblers.

feminism31.jpg

NEW BLOG POST: My Top Twenty Lessons of 2012 for Beginning Social Entrepreneurs

1. Be ready to forego some of your creature comforts.  Ain’t easy raising capital. Accumulate your cash.

2. Be ready to be disheartened and disappointed. Don’t waste too much energy on it.  Depression is for the birds

3. You will alienate family and  friends.  Don’t worry about it. They’ll come round when your successful and rich

4. Be methodical. Build your pyramid. The base is always wider and takes more work to build than the top.

5. If its not part of the plan and doesn’t add recognizable value AVOID IT. That includes negative people, get rich quick schemes, unsolicited advise, well or ill meaning people who think they know more about how to run your life than you do and ‘deals’.

6. Remember to service your debts. You don’t want creditors making life complicated but you don’t want to spend all your money paying debt either. Find a balance you can maintain.

7. Always remember your debts.  Be it a debt for a kindness, goods or services. The friend who gave you her couch for some weeks. The vendor that let’s you pay your bills a little late.  You get the drift? The Favor Bank is serious business.

8. Stay in touch with positive energizing people. Its easy to retreat into your shell and sometimes its necessary but its important to stay in touch and cultivate positive progressive people  who make you feel good and who you’ll want to work with in the future.

9. Don’t look down on the ‘little people’. Learn some humility. Life is tough enough. Compassion is a healthy healing feeling.

10. Persist till you breakthrough. Believe that you can. You will

11. Live within your means.  Scrutinize all gifts. You might have short term gratification but you need long term sustainability. Delay gratification.

12.  Entrepreneurs are risk takers.  Learn to mitigate risk. I learnt to swim at 5 by jumping into the deep end of the pool and flailing around till I got a hang of it. Nowadays I pause to make sure there’s a life guard on duty and maybe ask for some basic tips.

13, Listen to your gut, your intuition your instincts. If it feels ‘wrong’ pass it on. Not every opportunity is the right one.

14. Know exactly what you want and keep your aim on the goal. Everything else is a hurdle to jump, move around or avoid.  Prioritize accordingly.

15. You got only one person to please. That’s yourself. If you can go to bed at night hungry in a strange bed yet still feel you’ve done a good job you are an entrepreneur.

16.  Find the eye of the storm. If it passes over you grab a rock and cling on with your finger nails. This too will pass.

17. Well minded opportunism is a great asset, the Universe is conspiring with you already. If it seems right don’t hesitate, GO FOR IT

18.  Be kind to yourself. Self care and self love. Eat right. Exercise. And be happy.

19.  Believe in something bigger than yourself.

20. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. ignore the psycho babblers.

feminism31.jpg

Joy Osadolor Tells Her Story in Her Own Words, Its an Eye Opener

I met Joy begging in Abuja one night with her baby. I asked her why, she doesn’t look like someone that has to beg. Joy is from Benin in South West Nigeria. Her story is so typical it could be the story of every Nigerian woman. Her husband abandoned her with 3 children and a fourth one on the way. Listen to her story. You will cry.

She’s not posh, or educated, she sounds more like a bad Nollywood script sometimes but she is the average Nigerian woman, the uneducated, urban dwelling women who struggle to raise children and keep their husbands by their side each day.

Her determination, her spirit, her persistence and ultimately her courage are what endear her to me and make me want to help her. We’ve taken her to the Ministry of Women Affairs, WRAPA and to MTN Foundation. She does not meet the criteria for any of their programs.

All I’ve done all I can do right now is bring her story and her begging to the internet. So maybe she won’t have to stand on the streets at night (the only time she can come out as she explains) vulnerable to abuse and exploitation, though I doubt she is that easily exploited.

We have helped her open a bank account, the first in her life. If you are moved to help her please make a direct contribution to her. She says she needs money to resume her domestic fuel business and send her children back to school.

If you are in Nigeria you can make a donation to Joy’s account

Account Name: Joy Osadolor
Bank: GTB Plc
Account Number: 0121071317

If you wish to speak to Joy or make a donation from abroad you can email me at lesleyagams@yahoo.com

You can also visit my site for more information about my work in Nigeria http://www.lesleyagams.com