What You Need To Do Before Getting A Divorce in Nigeria

Once you’ve made up your mind to get a divorce here are the next ten steps you should take

1. Plan where you r going to live. If you want custody of the children the court will demand to know how and where you with live with them. In some cases the courts have accepted a woman’s parents residence but almost never if you are living with anyone else.

2. Start saving money, you will need all the money you can get whether you are expecting to live on your own or with your children.  And divorce proceedings can get expensive.

3. Get a job if you don’t have one. To get custody the court will demand you show proof of work.

4. Calculate /track your living expenses for 3 to 6 months with receipts etc.

5. If you cannot work or get a job you must be able to demand maintenance from your spouse especially if your spouse prevented you working.  Gather evidence to prove this.

6. Make copies of all important documentation like marriage certificates, children’s birth certificates. Any properties you own together that you believe you have a substantial claim or interest in

7. Consider whether you were married in church and which one, in a registry or a traditional ceremony or a combination of the 3.  If you were married in the Catholic Church or the Anglican Church your marriage comes under statutory law even if you did not go to a registry.  Your lawyer will  file in the High court. If you married in any of the other churches you should ask them. I’ll get information on all churches that qualify asap and post to the blog. If its a traditional ceremony only then customary and tribal law applies.  You’re petition will be filed in a customary court. Look for a lawyer whose expertise is there

8. Make a short-list of lawyers to see in your locality. Get names by word of mouth, on-line or through legal articles. Go and interview each of them. Make sure they understand the particular law as it relates to you and are sympathetic with you. If their first response is to advice or insist on reconciliation move on.  Do not go with your evidence for the first meeting. Assess the lawyer before making a commitment.

9. If you’re satisfied that the lawyer will act in your best interest to secure a divorce/ separation for you and get custody for you then go and give him photocopies of all your evidence for assessment.  Create your own file to keep at home. This when you should pay your retainer fee and sign an agreement with your lawyer.

10. If you want to claim maintenance or even division of property you will need evidence of your spouses income and assets.  This will include salary slips, bank statements, property deeds etc. Make sure you get copies of all these things if they are available.

10. Talk to your family and your friends and your pastor before deciding on a divorce. Only go see a lawyer after you’ve decided that you want a divorce or separation. I’ve met lawyers that believe their personal ‘calling’ is to reconcile divorcing couples. I do not.

Don’t go to a lawyer unless your decision is made. Its not the lawyer’s job to help you decide one way or the other really or to advise you whether or not to get a divorce. The decision is yours,  a lawyers job is to make it legally possible for you to achieve your aim with the full protection of the law.  So help your lawyer help you.  Take these steps first.

Of course there are times when the decision to leave is abrupt and you cannot be prepared. If your life is in danger you must put your safety first.




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191 Responses to “What You Need To Do Before Getting A Divorce in Nigeria”

  1. Endy Kingsley Says:

    Hello madam, my brother has been separated from his ex since 2007 and has been living alone since then till now (22 November, 2015). They only did traditional marriage, no court, no church. He got a letter from a lawyer summoning him to meet with him as regards the woman citing abandonment as the basis..my brother wants to know if she has any claim on his money, child, and properties. Note: she expressly blocked d child from him and also snatched his house from by changing name of ownership. What cn he Do? Thank u,

  2. ola Says:


    How can you divorce a woman who once request that you divorce her and you refused on the fact that she had two issues for you.
    And since one refused to grant her request. Shes frustrating the husband every effort. And now the man is ready to let her go what is the procedure and what to expect when you divorce a woman with two kids

    • mz_agams Says:

      the court will want to know what arrangements the parents of the children are making to ensure that they do not suffer on account of the parents divorce. See a lawyer if you married under statutory law, and file a petition in the high court. The fact you refused before is irrelevant. The fact she has two issues for you doesn’t mean she must stay in a marriage she doesn’t want

  3. anyanime Says:

    Please can a divorce petition be filed in a customary court after being separated for 9 Years? There was only 1 child involved..Thank u

  4. Miss Sja Says:

    I intend to get a divorce elf rom my husband is the 2 year separation mandatory? There’s no physical violence but emotional and verbal ones. Can This be done sooner? And how long does it take. What is the procedure as I am not in the country and don’t intend to come back anytime soon.

  5. DAMOLA Says:


  6. Funmi Thompson Says:

    Good evening madam. My husband is a chronic abuser in all ramifications . My children and I are scared of him. I was very ok financially some yrs back, until I loaned him some money I was setting aside to start my own day business. The business he used the money for did not yield a penny. In fact it sank us financially. I had expensive watches and jewelry . I mean the ones that had good resale value. To cut a long story short I sold everything I had so that we cloud survive. We lost our house and we had to move to smaller one. Fast word my husband is doing well financially and I don’t have anything. No money,no job and I can’t point my finger at his business or the house he is building on the Island that a part of it belongs to me. On our street he has fathered a child . He has broken my teeth, he once punched me in the nose in public. This man has beaten me to a pulp. I gave him my life, my money and all that I could support a man with. I have nothing to show for it but bruise and abuses. I live in fear of him and no one wants to help because they are afraid of him. I have seen a lawyer and he said I must first find a place to stay. How do I manage that with no money. My husband knows that I have no money

  7. Ayo Says:

    hello, thanks for creating this platform. i am in a marriage which was done in registry 2009 but collapse within one year, we got separated since 2009 till now, am seeking for the divorce, how can i go about it?

    • mz_agams Says:

      Go to a lawyer to file your petition in the High Court. Your case should be straight forward since you have lived apart for more than 3 years. Good luck

  8. Ayotunde Says:


  9. Ayotunde Says:

    Hello ma, I have been married for over 2 years now with two issues. My husband is a lawyer. It was a court wedding. We have had so many fights in the past that led to him slapping me on several occasions including when I was pregnant.

    We have both decided to get a divorce, though we have only lived apart for almost a year. I need to know if I would have a right to his properties.

    At the beginning of the fight, he was trying to force me into signing a prenuptial agreement, but I refused.

    Can you please advise if I have a right to share his properties even if he claims that it was acquired with his sweat alone. He was also at one point claiming his properties are in his childrens’ names, so I have no right over it.

    Also, in case I don’t have any evidence of these properties, but I know the areas they are situated, can I get an evidence from the ministry of works? is it possible?

    • mz_agams Says:

      Not really. You have only been married two years. the court will only give you property if you can show that you contributed to it. Nigeria is not that advanced yet. But you can try if you have a good lawyer. never hurts to ask. You say its to secure an income and future for the children.

  10. stella Says:

    hello ma,i am in a marriage which was done in registry but collapse within one year and three months with one issue.
    before we married, he had accommodation issue; he begged me to borrowed money for him that he will pay back. i did that, just to help him. so after the wedding, he refused to pay the house rent when it was due. then i was pregnant and he beats me a lot. the landlord gave us letter to quit from the house, to avoid embarrassment, i borrowed money fromk my office to pay the house rent (#120,000).
    after my delivering, the house rent was to due by August, he refuse to pay again. he works in a school and earn 35k, he doesn’t give me money for food. he did not buy anything for my daughter. for baby food is a big problem to him. so he refused to pay the house rent and to rent another apartment. the land lord sent us parking. i bought all the property in the house. so i packed everything and sold it out just to use the money to pay part of the debt. since then we have been living separately . please advice me on how to divorce him. cos we did court wedding. this year august will makes it 2yrs.of our separation.
    i live alone with my daughter and she is doing fine in her school.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Hello. Thanks a lot for this. My wife left me four years ago (separated for four years). I intend to file for divorce soon. We have a daughter who is less than ten years old. Please how long should I expect this to take considering her express consent will not be required (I was told 1month but the source isn’t reliable and that seems rather short to me, but I’ll be glad if it’s true) I really need to know because I really don’t want it to drag for long. I need that chapter of my life over and done with.

  12. Tutu Says:

    Hello ma.
    I got married in 2012, federal high court .we av a daughter bt my husband doesn’t stay in Nigeria.his mum call me almost 2months ago to tell me dat he has impregnated another woman, dat he doesnt want me anymore nd I confirmed it frm him…its almost 2yrs dat he came to Nigeria to see us.pls how do I go abt divorcing him without him takin my daughter frm me cos he said he wuld take my daughter from me nd he has nt been sendin her upkeep for 10months nw.

  13. Collins Says:

    Good day Ma,
    Thanks for this wonderful blog.
    Kindly put me through ma, on my marriage. I got married in feb 2011. Though we are still living together, but i want a divorce from my wife. we had no issue (child(ren)) yet. I can not continue staying with a woman that always use knife to threaten me whenever we have any misunderstanding. She had once commit arson on me, it only take the intervention of our good neighbor to rescue me. She always says we had court wedding that she will collect half my properties as compensation whenever we divorce. (how is true is that Ma?) Because she does not contribute any kobo in getting those properties. Please kindly help me out as i don’t know what to do.

  14. tope Says:

    hello ma,
    i got married in 2014 in court we av a daughter over one year old now but my wife she give me big problem if any woman call me now that mean im deta her and every month fight, and i need to divorce her how can i go about it

  15. Joseph Says:

    I did both church and traditional marriage with my wife in 2012 (at UEC & Igala custom). The marriage was registered in Bwari Abuja council marriage registry. We have a son who will be 2yrs by March,2016. She hates my family and don’t want them around me,she is so insultive and always make us fight. She is pregnant now and left my house with my son since 30/1/16 to Lagos and her parent are not helping issues. I’m tired of the whole matter and I need custody of my child. What do I do both in divource, pls.? She sometime luck door at me several times making me peaceless in my own house.

  16. Nnenna Ada Says:

    Hi. I am married traditionally. My husband is married in registry with another woman but has not been leaving with her for over 6 years and no child from her. He is in court for a divorce. I have a son for him Is there any form of marriage certificate i can get as proof that I am married to him as I intend to change my name to his.

  17. micjid1 Says:

    I love ur blog, keep d good work going.i was married for like a yr now in d registry without issue nd since then she has bn giving me problem , i have no peace nd no happiness @ home .she doesnt care if we divorce or not cos what she is her mind is dat she wil get half of my properties of which i got everytin b4 i met her. Ma , am afraid , wil i loose half of my properties lik dat.

    • mz_agams Says:

      I think she may have been watching to much telemundo. She will not get half your property its very difficult to get maintenance and settlement

  18. sunday Says:

    I appreciate ur wise counsel ma.l have a troubled marriage of 9yrs.none of my relation was part of the wedding as they did not support our union.my wife does not even have regard for my love and does not want to see any of my parent(l am their only child).she refused most of the medical advise to have more children(we have one).she replied my mother why she gave birth to one child too when my mother was worried about our delay in having more.she was diagnosed to be hepatitis B virus carrier sometimes ago.l only care about my son now.she had a child before l et her.

  19. ka2d Says:

    Hello,, I got married statutorily in Dec 2015. Ever since I and my husband got married he’s been abusing me verbally and emotionally. Tho whenever he has money he takes care of my feeding. He doesn’t call me to check on me whenever he travels. I tell him I want divorce cause of the emotional trauma he causes me, he keeps saying he will never be a party to divorce yet he refused to change. Can I still divorce him even without his consent or since he refused to divorce me does he still love me?

    • mz_agams Says:

      Yes, you can. Send me an email at lesleyagams@yahoo.com

      • Bowale Says:

        I did introduction with my wife on 9th May, 2015 and her parents sent her to my house the next day, claiming they have given me the go ahead with her. She got pregnant later before our registry marriage in Jul, 2015. She flirts a lot and seduce men. I have caught her on many occasions making such moves. It was later revealed in the hospital that she had blood infection which lead to a serious dispute between us. She left in Sept and later in Oct I forgave her. Meanwhile, while she was away she threatened that I should go and do blood test for donation of blood for the baby. Meanwhile she had gone for the treatment of blood infection. Later I was diagnosed of Hepatitis B and mild Staph, while she was having heavy load of Strep. I caught her with charm twice now the last time being Feb after her delivery. And she has persistently threatened she will poison me and inherit my property(my house, land and car). So I change my contenance with her, and she became afraid and left my house for another man’s in Feb ending this year. She later went to my mum only to there for two days, after she came to my house at my back to pick her things. She couldn’t bcos I had changed the keys. Now she has reported to the Police lieing I made an attempt to burn my own house. I am to report at the station on 12th Mar, 2016. I don’t want her back in my house because she is dangerous. What’s ur advice?

  20. ifeoma okolo Says:

    Good morning ma,I got a lawyer and told him I want a divorce but don’t have the marriage certificate and he charged me 200k and said it can be done,then I made a deposit of 150k into his bank account and he later called that it can’t be done without the certificate and i reminded him I told him that before I made the payment.now I’m asking for my money back and he isn’t saying anything about the refund .please what should I do and who do I report to because he can’t withhold my money from me..thank you..i am in Lagos..

  21. Paul Says:

    Ma, i appreciate ur good work on dis blog. I married dis lady becos she was pregnant and i barely new her. Pressure/tears from her and persuasion from friends/family was wat made me to consent to it. Since d marriage 22/11/14, her behavior changed to somtin else: she open a secret facebk acct with unknown name sending her pix to her man frnd, she is insultive and mannerless, lazzy, she has attempted to commit suicide and always threaten to die becos i complained. The worst of it, the mother has constantly interfare in my marriage and comes uninvited. I discovered, dat the youngman she send pix to, was her formal manfrnd(boyfrnd) and they are still in contact till date. They communicate more than we do. We ended up fighting when i ask her to end the relationship, she called for her mother who came and pack her out of my house. At that process they two of them attacked me becos they were packing excessively and i tried to prevent that. I have several text msgs of threat from her. We have that daughter now and i do send her monthly stipend to her acct and she does not want my money, she text that she does not want my money. Our marriage is not upto two years. Pls can i get a divorce on this ground without waiting for two of marriage and or one year of abandonment? Or annulment since it was on duress? We married in anglican church and it was under d ACT. Pls reply

  22. Paul Says:

    i appreciate ur good work on dis blog. I married dis lady becos she was pregnant and i barely new her. Pressure/tears from her and persuasion from friends/family was wat made me to consent to it. Since d marriage 22/11/14, her behavior changed to somtin else: she open a secret facebk acct with unknown name sending her pix to her man frnd, she is insultive and mannerless, lazzy, she has attempted to commit suicide and always threaten to die becos i complained. The worst of it, the mother has constantly interfare in my marriage and comes uninvited. I discovered, dat the youngman she send pix to, was her formal manfrnd(boyfrnd) and they are still in contact till date. They communicate more than we do. We ended up fighting when i ask her to end the relationship, she called for her mother who came and pack her out of my house. At that process they two of them attacked me becos they were packing excessively and i tried to prevent that. I have several text msgs of threat from her. We have that daughter now and i do send her monthly stipend to her acct and she does not want my money, she text that she does not want my money. Our marriage is not upto two years. Pls can i get a divorce on this ground without waiting for two of marriage and or one year of abandonment? Or annulment since it was on duress? We married in anglican church and it was under d ACT. Pls reply

  23. yemi Says:

    hi,I lost my husband of 6yrs last December without any child ,please how do i go about the divorce process we married under the statutory act.thanks

  24. chinny Says:

    tnx ma for this wonderful blog. pls i need ur advise. i got married both traditionally n in church in 2014. after that i noticed some characters which i can’t condone from my husband. he beats, insults and finds it very difficult to take care of his responsibilities esp when it concerns me. i helped him stand on his feet today and took care of him when he had nothing and even got him a job in a company. i but all the properties we hv today. because of his attitude towards him i hv decided to leave the marriage. am not happy in the marriage and always scared of him. pls how do i go about it. thanks

  25. IRE Says:

    Greetings! I GOT MARRIED IN 2003 and I and my wife have two children. I have suffered verbal and physical abuse including being kicked on mates testacles and being accused of adultery which has not been substntiated. My wife’s family (uncle) has also threatened my life. My wife insults my family members and threatens to deal with me. I am constantly faced with warnings from her mother and aunt. Sex is not forth coming in the marriage as it happens occasionally built I experience pain from the injury I sustained when she kicked my testacles. I am tired of the marriage and I want out. I fear that her and her family will one day harm my life. Please advice on what steps to take in desolving the marriage. We had a civil (registry) marriage

  26. Mims Says:

    My marriage isn’t up to year and it’s both Trad and White. The church is licensed for court certificate. I want a divorce on grounds of physical and emotional abuse, infidelity and neglect. I can’t take anymore torture as its beginning to seriously affect my health. We built everything he has now together. He didn’t own one piece of furniture before we married. He also concealed his infertility from me until after marriage. My problem is I don’t have a job. What do I do?

  27. Modestus Says:

    I am a Nigerian married to European citizen, but we have been separated for years now,,since I am nolonger in europe with her, I want to know if it’s possible to get my divorce here in nigeria.

  28. Modestus Says:

    I want to know as I am not European citizen but married to European citizen. Right now I want to get a divorce to be able to remarry,as I am not living in europe is it legal to get a divorce in nigeria..

  29. Modestus Says:

    Goodmorning madam, my name is MODESTUS, I am a Nigerian citizen from lagos, is my pleasure writing to you this morning, I kindly need your advise on my case, I was married to European citizen and did all the registration in the migration, but my wife and I have not been living together for over 5years as we are separated and we don’t have any contact with each other because I had a problem in the country, I was living with her. Called Cyprus.. Now I have found another girl to marry and she is the same European. We want to marry here in Nigerian..my question now is can I get a legal divorce here in Nigeria?
    thank you

    • mz_agams Says:

      Apply for a divorce through a lawyer at the high court and make sure your wife is served all court notices in Cyprus

      • Modestus Says:

        Thank you for your response ma..but my wife is longer in Cyprus as she is not from there, she is from the UK.. We only speak on Skype and she is fine with the divorce… Right she is in her country UK.. What do I do…thank you

        • mz_agams Says:

          Serve her in he UK, just courier the hearing notices and have her send back a signed copy acknowledging receipt for you to present to the court and assure the court she is aware of the petition. Thats all. Do you have the marriage certificate?

  30. Abayomi Says:

    Good morning ma, you have a good blog n gud job welldone; pls, I need ur advice on d basis dat my marriage is just 1yr n 2mnth old with no issue but full of complaints n lack of peace from my wife n in-law cos dey are mostly concern on me relocating to Lagos from d east without hope of assistance. Their actions like asking about my statement of acct, interfering on matters dat doesn’t concern them has always pissed me off; they’ve never believed in my work (contractor) n never ready to help. Am sick n tired cos there’s no peace for I’ve never made an headways since d marriage till date; only based on what I’ve gathered before I got married. Pls bail me out

    • mz_agams Says:

      If you married in the registry you will have to wait two years before you can file for a divorce. if you married under native law and custom you just call your brethren and go return the bride price and your wife to her kinsmen

  31. Tope Ben Says:

    Well done ma. Just quite what am looking for. Pls I need ur advice on my marital issue. I married my wife in a traditional way and also in an Anglican church in 2012. We have a daughter. Since our marriage, it’s been ‘hell’. Trouble, fights, complains, ….no peace, no happiness. At times, we even engage in domestic violence. Am quite aware of the fact that any act of domestic violence (maybe slapping) is not tolerated by law (and I even detest it so much), however this woman will go to any length to make sure I ‘touch’ her knowing fully well the law will dance to her tune. We’ve had several occasions where our families, pastors and friends gather to settle fights and quarrels …instead, it gets worse. I still love my family (wife and daughter) so much but she is not helping matters. Please, is there a way to go through a therapeutic separation as to get everyone back better and stronger or the only means is to divorce her …and even at that, how do I go by it. Urgent! Thanks in advance for d response ma.

  32. Noah Says:

    Hello Madam,

    Your article was very insightful. Thank you for making it available to us. Your advice on the following will be much appreciated:

    I am interested in getting divorce after being separated for over 2 years from my spouse. The marriage was done in Ikoyi registry, but I am interested in getting a divorce at court in another State, not Lagos State. Is it possible for me to file and process the divorce in another state? And how much should I plan on spending for legal service and case processing.

    Thank you very much.

  33. Sunday Samuel Kote Says:

    my marriage is a year by 25 of this month, my complain too much, dup me of my money, refuse to work as a qraduate or start business with little amount of money an keep suspecting of fornication and agree to spend short time with my parent. can I file a divorce paper as we are one year and we have no child? we did all form of marriage.

  34. esther Says:

    Good day ma, pls I need to file for a divorce, I was impregnated by my man but b4 i delivered he impregnated another lady and when i got to know he promised that he will not marry her cos I threatened to leave him then, we got married some years later in a customary court unknowing to me dat he has rented a house for that lady, it was after she had a second child that i got to know abt their relationship, since then he has changed in performing his responsibilities at home, now he has two wives which i am not consented with. what can i do ma

  35. ROKpretty Says:

    Hello Madam, my husband and I have been separated for 2 months now, after he had seriously and endlessly abused me physically, sexually, and emotionally. He is highly violent and can not control his anger whenever he doesn’t get my money from me as he wanted; simply because he got me a job. After our marriage i found out a lot of ill things about him. He is an ex convicte, a cult guy, he steals my money, lies to ladies that he’s never married, tried endlessly to steal from my father. In fact he finally tried to finish me up when he poured kerosine and tried to set me on fire ,if not for my sisters pleading and neighbors intervention who saved me; after that i, my sister and daughter ran away for our life. Three days after I left his house, i discovered i was pregnant. My husband denied been responsible for the pregnancy, Refused to send me money for myself, unborn baby, but only sends 20k for my daughter upkeep. He has refused to send my daughter’s school fee. Today he served me divorce letter writting all sort of lies against me. I want a separation, but he wants a divorce. I don’t want to face my husband in my condition again cos twice I have seen him since i moved out of the his house he always beat me up and I was bleeding afterwards. He practically refuses me taking my unborn baby things and properties. So I have decided to respond to his petition saying, I want to deliver my baby before continuing with any issue involving me n my husband. Please Madam I want to know if my decision is okay or not.

    • MzAgams Says:

      Run for your life. Get a divorce. Forget him as soon as you can. Be safe, Good luck and God bless

  36. James Says:

    Hello MzAgam, Thanks for your wonderful blog. I am currently living in the STATES. i got married to my wife at the registry in warri delta states. Before i left for the states we had no sexual intercourse as she was a virgin and i promised to comeback after two yrs and marry her and also ask her to keep herself. i did this because i wanted to make sure she didn’t cheat on me. Through out the 2 years i was in touch with her every 4 days in a week, and sends her up keep. While she was in school she told me about this young boy who she always hangout with and i kept warning her to stop but she refused. One faithful day she cried calling me, but refused to say what the issue was.but after some pressure she lied and said she was feeling like she was getting too close to this young boy. so i asked her if that the reason she was crying and she said yes. Instantly i knew she was lieing and already had sex with this young boy. since then i kept pressuring her to tell me but she kept lieing to me. When it was time to come to Nigeria, i was asking her to tell me the truth and not waste my time,if she was already having sex. she kept lieing and saying she was a virgin. When i got to Nigeria she refused me sex until after the registry which made me think she was still a virgin. When it was time for us to have sexual intercourse, she broke the news to me saying she’s not what i think she is, that she even got pregnant for this boy and did an abortion. I was emotional down, we seperated and i came back to the states. couple of months ago i called her from the states and requested a divorce but she refused and told me that i must come to Nigeria if i want a divorce. Practical told me that she will make me suffer, because i broke up with her. i don’t want to go back to Nigeria just because of a divorce and her family(mom, grandma) had threatened me after they knew that i changed my mind. i also noticed that they are mad because i didn’t bring their daughter to the states after i found out that she sleeping with someone while i was here hustling. our marriage was 2 years on feb 2016. Does she have anything to hold against me? can i file a divorce even without coming back to Nigeria? what is best, a divorce or annulment? please give you me your advice.


    • mz_agams Says:

      you can file for a divorce but you should think about it first. did you love the girl or did you love her virginity?

      • James Says:

        Yes i have taught about it, and i don’t i love her. I really want to discontinue any legal document binding us from the registry. What if she is refusing a divorce, what then can i do about it? Just want to know if her refusal will stop me from processing a divorce and also if i would have to file for a divorce at the high court.


  37. James Says:

    Also just to add to my previous post. Me and my wife had no kids, and i currently don’t have any property both in Nigeria and the states

  38. C hi Says:

    Hi. Av bin married sinx 2011. I did both court n church wedding but he hasn’t paid my bride price. We av 2 sons. D problem is dat I do his duty as a husband. I pay his bills n d worst of it is we r staying in his family house. I get to c him once a wk or in 2wks makin me a single mother. He hardly takes care of our needs. Am tired of dis life n I want d marriage nulified so I know am officially a single mother.

    • mz_agams Says:

      You will have to file for a divorce in the high court. see if a lawyer will file for you under s15(1)(c) – that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him under the circumstances. Or take his other advice

  39. esthy Says:

    I got married in the church and the traditional way. my husband was recommended to me by his family and my mum. so I didn’t have much say because I didn’t want to say no to them and am also not getting younger. but on the wedding day I discovered I don’t love him. I thought the love will grow over the years but nothing changes. we also had no child as he’s having low sperm count but he’s pointing fingers at me despite d doctor told him. Its our four years in 4days time. Am facing psychological, emotionally torture right now. he’s selfish. I supported him in all his project but he always threatens me that there’s none of my pin in his projects. am thinking of a divorce after I’ve secured a job. pls wat do I do. I don’t want this to be settled in the church. I want the court to handle it. is it possible?

  40. Ego Says:

    good day madam, i got married in 2010 (by tradition, court and church) but in 2012 we got separated due to physical abuse and emotional torture.in 2014 after he refused a divorce and for the fear of the complexity of divorce process, we reconciled.in 2015 we had our first child. 2months ago he beat me up, (though no physical injuries) then whole world intervened and tried to resolve the issue but still i am experiencing those emotional totuture and wickedness. i deeply regret getting back together and now i don’t want a separation but a divorce! on what grounds do i file for a divorce? do i have to wait till he beats me again in order to get evidence? on the grounds of adultery, what does the court consider as evidence? please i need your advice. thank you.

  41. Ibu Simon Says:

    I married traditionally and in church. My wife went to Upper Area Court, even though she could not establish any ground for divorce,yet the court went ahead any grant her the divorce because she said she can no longer live with me for a second and my demeanour shows that I am tired of the marriage. Do you think that the divorce is valid?

  42. toluwani Says:

    I got married 8 years ago,then I was working with company, my wife is into paramilitary job since 2007,before I got married to her. I was financially alright but she advised me to join paramilitary job because of insecurity nature of company’s job and I yielded to her advise, I resigned and join paramilitary job in 2011.
    Since then my marriage has been witnessing hell, she has been dating one of his superior officer and I manage to catch them with evidence after long investigation, She apologised and I accepted her apology but to my surprise, I caught her again when I noticed some changes in her , I now set a recording phone and left home, when I got back, the conversation she had with her concubine is irritating, though I couldn’t hear what the man was saying but all she said was captured and it is appalling. This is a woman that is not ready to welcome any of our family members both mine and hers. Despite the fact she been taking care of, she is riding one of the latest car and the two children we had are not left behind interms cares and finances.
    Each time I travel home is like visiting a lion, she will complain and fight on trivia issue. I think am fed up with her infidelity.please ma ,advise me.

  43. A Fellow Lawyer Says:

    Hello there,
    I’m just reading through the comments here while contemplating divorce. This thing is never easy especially when kids are involved. I loved that man. Lord knows I did. But I’ll never be enough for him and sadly, he’ll never be enough for me.
    Abuse and adultery are deal breakers. The Matrimonial Causes Act makes that clear. So I’m away to file my petition this week,
    My hands are shaking. I need the shakes. They remind me I’m only human.
    Keep up the good work on the blog. Cheers.

    • mz_agams Says:

      Adultery is pretty hard to prove in Nigerians courts. Ensure your evidence is tight. Damulak vs. Damulak gives a good precedent for abuse as grounds for divorce. Remember, burden of proof is on the petitioner. Good luck

  44. nj Says:

    Hello ma’am,

    I really like the way you treat people’squestions.

    I married this girl, in 2011. She is a student . since 2014 february she abandoned the marriage and we have been living apart since then ( 2 years 3 months now ). Pls how can i prove this abondonment?

  45. Debrah Says:

    Hi there!

    Your article has been insightful, even much more the comments.
    Divorce/Separation is never easy, although it takes two to make a marriage work.

    we need to be educated, hence a good thing you’re doing with your blog. thanks for the insight.

  46. Ajike Says:

    Good day. I have been married for almost 6-years with 2 kids. I am very scared to file for a divorce because of my kids. However, I can no longer stay married to my husband for few strong reasons. He rarely spends time at home with me and the kids, some days he goes out for 24-72hours without calling to check on me or his kids, he doesn’t go to church, he lacks respect for me and my mom.. I feel I will do better not been married to him. But I am very worried about the effect this may have on my kids. And yes I have a good job…so I was not relying on him 100%, financially… but I hope if the divorce/separation pulls through he will still take care of our kids. How do I proceed with filing for a divorce?

  47. Ngozi Says:

    Good day ma!
    I will need u to advice me on how to go. Firstly I got married to a pastor in April 2010 that the foundation of the marriage was based on lies. I couldn’t bear the assault again that I had to run away from his house one faithful day ring the 7th of January 2014. Apart from the maltreatment he gives me, he insults my father at any available chance, my family members and anyone that wants to help settle our case.
    He beats me like as if he’s punching Muhammed Ali in a wrestling ring. I almost passed out twice. he beat me up till I fainted. December 2013 I was bleeding because I had lost pregnancy and this man forced me to do tedious work and pound yam while under pain and this resulted to a terrible illness that I was loosing a part of my body. When my uncle took me to hospital and they said I was having emotional stress that was raising my blood pressure. After recovery he beat me up and I had to flee from the house. So from 2014 January 7th up ontil August 2016, we have been apart and since I went for a missionary journey in Uganda, I was told he has remarried. We did all the arrive. Both Church, traditional and Court marriage. Can I file a divorce and how long does it take since there is no kids involved . I don’t even know his where about because court later ejected him from our former house
    What should I do when I have to return to Uganda next week for work.? Can divorce be done on absentia? Thank u ma!

    • MzAgams Says:

      You can’t file for a divorce I absentia. You have to serve the respondent and he has to be aware you are filing. Unless he has been absent and no contact for seven years. Then you can file on the presumption he is dead. You can also try and find him through his family.

  48. Ama Says:

    I got married this year in March to be precise . As a couple we are just not working. I am tired of not having peace
    Is it mandatory to be separated for two years?

  49. marian Says:

    Hello ma ,please Is separation a must before divorce, if yes how long is it suppose to last?

  50. Biran Emmanuel Says:

    ma, i impregnated a lady in 2009, i decided to marry her after series of pressures and the union was registered at registry. immediately after the registration, she changed totally to the point that i sent her packing in 2011. since 2012 we are not leaving together but i do visit her and the two kids and care for all financial obligation as the father regularly. on 2nd August, 2016 she called me that our son is sick and i told her to take him to the hospital which i enrolled with NHIS but she refused and told me that she took him to a teaching hospital and told me the bill. on 4th August 2016, i traveled to her place without notice but to my surprise, nothing happened to the boy. but later in the night the children told me that they want to go with me in presence of her and her mother. i then told her that since they are on holiday, let them come and spend their holiday with me. she refused but with intervention of her mother, she accepted. But now i received an invitation message from National Human Right Commission that she reported me of absconded with her kids.

    1. i have not divorce her legally,
    2. she is still living in my private house bcus i built it in her village

    1. what is the concern of NHRC in this issue and should i honour the invitation of NHRC?
    2. how can i divorce her & get the custody of the two kids (age 6 & 3)

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